To My First Born from Your Loving Mother—your #1 cheerleader,

My precious Reese….you may never read this and certainly won’t read this now, but I wanted to write you this and let you know that YOU MATTER and YOU ARE SO SPECIAL. You see, right now you are going through an unbelievably tough time. You may not be able to verbalize this to me or even to yourself. You are only an almost 6 year old. Who would have known that moving from Virginia to the Midwest would have had such an impact on you? Certainly not me. When the prospect of moving came up, you, Reese, were the least of my concerns. You…adaptable…dependable…you. But I know. I can see the turmoil built inside that little body. I sense the nervousness in your voice. Mommy may seem insensitive, but Reese, if you could see inside my heart, you would see otherwise. You see…I’m trying in my own Mommy way to tell you…”You can do it!”

Starting a new school for you has been so very hard. Making new friends and leaving your very best of ones in Virginia has impacted you more then I realized. Every time I hear you come home and say that someone was mean to you at school…a piece of my heart breaks. Everytime I hear that the kids at school made fun of you because of your size, my heart crushes. And you don’t even see that tear coming down my cheek. Every time I hear what the kids say about the things you wear to school, my heart breaks. My sweet little innocent Reese. I can’t help but think how are these kids’ actions might squash that sweet innocence about you.

My outgoing, friendly Reese. I hear you yell out to your “new friends”, “HI Sophie..” or whoever may be crossing your path. You never seem to back down….even though most of the friends I have seen hardly even acknowledge you after your request to play. Don’t ever back down Reese. Don’t let the actions of others change WHO GOD MADE YOU to be.

But today…my heart broke into a million pieces. You didn’t know…and Mommy is not going to tell you. You got out of the car. Little you with the big old backpack on nervously hopped out of the van in front of the school. As I was watching you walk up to the sidewalk alone, my mind flashed back to what had happened earlier this morning. When I told you to get dressed for school, your response was very atypical of you (although it’s becoming more of a common occurrence lately). “I HATE school. I’m not going. I HATE HATE HATE it.” Such strong words….such drama. But a Mommy wants to know why. Why the fits that is normally not your personality?

My mind quickly flashed back to watching you walk to meet your class in line. You looked too little to be walking into school. You’re my baby…kindergarten came way too fast. That backpack looks too big for you. And then you reach your class. No one says Hi….No one acknowledges. And you go to the back of the line….and wait. By yourself. Oh Reese, if only you could see how I am hurting for you. It probably hurts me more then it hurts you.

I quickly want to jump out of the car and stand in line with you. I picture myself yelling across the playground and jumping up and down for all to pay attention, “Hey you all! You don’t know what you are missing here. Reese is the most special girl in the UNIVERSE. She is full of life, compassion, FUN, and loyal.” I want to get into those mean girls’ faces and get on a 5 year old level and shout, “DON”T YOU DARE TAKE THE SWEETNESS AND COMPASSION AND INNOCENCE OUT OF MY CHILD!” But alas, I won’t…it’s not my place.

But then I realize if my heart is breaking like this, imagine how God feels. If I think you are the most special 5 almost 6 year old girl in the universe…how does God feel about you? Reese, God is so crazy about you. He sees the turmoil your little heart is in. He knows how much you miss your little best friend in VA. He knows what a special, unique individual you are. Of course He does, He made you! And I have no question in my mind, that He will also provide for you. He sees your compassion for others, your nurturing loving spirit. I know right now you are a little too young to truly understand how deep his love is for you, but my prayer is that you will feel it…even now. And that you will remember our verse, “Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

So now…when I remember that picture of my sweet little Reese in the back of the line…she is not alone anymore. For standing next to her in line, holding on to her hand ever so tightly…is her ultimate friend. For it is Jesus. And He is with you Reese, wherever the rest of this school year may take you. I love you. YOU ARE SO SPECIAL!