Monday, August 22, 2011

Broken World


It hit me as soon as it left her mouth.  No wait...it pummeled me.  The words saturated into my soul.  The lightbulb in my brain went off.  My mom was telling me of a phone conversation she had had with a friend earlier in the day.

"You know, friend," my mom said on that phone call, "all four of my kids are now entering the stage in life where we realize we live in a broken world."

These were words I didn't want to hear.  No I want to keep believing that we live in "DisneyWorld" of sorts and life is somewhat like "The Truman Show."  But, alas, my own life the past few months has definitely shown me otherwise.  Hence my absence all summer.  My journey to joy...has been far from joyous.  Where has my perspective been?  Not on where it should be...

You see, those words that my mom told me that day rang so true because everywhere I seem to turn..there it is.  Brokenness....hard stuff.  Hurt is all around us.  Now I know it's always been that way and now, maybe, I am more cognizant of it.  Or maybe it's because my peers, my friends, my family are now going through some really hard stuff.  Everywhere around us...stories of difficulties, scary things....uphill battles to face..to overcome.

No my friends, we are not in the glistening newlywed stage anymore looking at the world through our love tainted, rose colored glasses.  Nor are we filled with the excitement of that smell and the snuggles that only a newborn baby can bring.  No...it seems that we have moved past this.  We are finally realizing that this thing called life....well it's tough.  And...well...I am finally realizing that (ok...I am a little slow) we are not made for the uphill climb and all the emotions that latch on to us like 50 lb ankle weights.

My 50 lb ankle weight...you ask?  Ha...that's an easy one.  This weight has been gripped tight on me sinking my feet beneath the muddy surface all summer long.  FEAR.  I hate this emotion...and you know what...it hates me right back.  That ugly thing slithers it's way on me when I am least expecting it. It captures its hold around my neck and strangles me until it can consume me.  And yes...I know I let it.  I have a bad case of the "what ifs".  And then letting my mind take me where that ugly thing is slithering.

You know actually "fear" is one of the #1 commandments God gives. "Do not fear...Do not be afraid." It is mentioned over and over in the Bible.  And yet...we live in a society of fear.  Many things of what we, as a society, do is motivated out of fear:

  • Don't eat junk--fear of getting fat
  • Don't vaccinate - fear of autism
  • don't eat things that could have pesticides - fear of cancer
  • don't stay out in the sun - fear of skin cancer
  • don't ride bikes without helmets - fear of head injury
  • don't let your child watch too much tv - fear of being a bad mom...
Ok...you get it.  Much of what we do...or don't do is all motivated out of fear.  Now I am not saying that we should not be responsible.  God has given us children and our own bodies to be responsible and to treat responsibly.  But, if you are a worrier like me, all of this, all the news media, feeds into my case of the "what ifs".

So I have had to ask myself...."Ok Sarah...what if?"  Life is broken.  We are not made for this life.  We are made for heaven.  Bad things are going to happen...to me, to my friends, to my family.  This is life. Is it something I like to talk about...no.  Is it something I need to focus on?....no.  So where is my perspective here?  So much of my struggles have been because my perspective is so much on earthly matters...not on the truths that Christ promises me.  My perspective needs to change.  Christ alone is my life.  He is the beginning of my life--my redeemer, my sustainer...and He is the true end of all things...including my life.  My life is not my own.  This life is not about me....it is about the ONE who made me.

So there...there you have it...my name is Sarah and I am a worryholic.  My fear factor scours over every inch of me.  I am working on this....Christ is working in me on this.  Something I am working on day by day...sometimes hour by hour.  So no blogging all summer?  Well...now I have been vulnerable and the reason...well...I have been trying to survive.  Survive in this thing called life----trying to pick up the broken pieces when it's not even mine to pick up.




And lastly...something that makes me smile....:)