My TO DO List...

I feel like I live a life of chaos. I don’t know what one hour holds to the next. And if any of you know me, organization is not a real talent in my life. Well…let me rephrase that. I do NOT like to organize. As much as I hate to admit it, I will never be like some of you who may read this that in their spare moments are reorganizing that same toy bin that they did last week. And to be honest with you, I found this NEW revelation about myself quite startling. See…I would love to be organized. I would LOVE to feel like I “have it all together.” I would love to find that one kitchen utensil I know I used last week! There is this inner part of my personality that wants to be organized.

Since we have moved, I have felt overwhelmed. I feel as if I am swimming in boxes, paint cans, and my own anatomy of self-defeat. My thought process is…If only I was more organized, this would be a lot easier. So one night Steve and I were lying in bed drifting off into “lala” land and ALAS…I came up with this NOVEL idea—creating a TO-DO list. Now, I have never been much of a “list” person in my life unless it consisted of “my dream man” or “foods I want to eat in my lifetime”. I always felt like TO DO lists were so demanding. So inhibiting. It was like the notebook became my Momma and I was 6 years old again. See not even a NOTEBOOK was going to tell me what to do that day. It was better if “I just thought of it” and did the action…kind of like I was going the extra mile that day. But I figured that wasn’t working since I was so desperate. I WAS GOING TO BE MORE ORGANIZED. I WAS GOING TO STOP FEELING OVERWHELMED. I was going to try this list thing.

Right then and there, I turned on the light and got my pen and started writing down the things I have been needing to get done that I was determined to do today. Steve groaned, “Can your number 1 TO DO thing be turn off the light please?”

“Honey, organized people must not fall asleep at 10:15pm. They need to prepare for the day ahead. “ I shushed him off. Now where was I….oh yes…my list.

Here is what my TO DO list consisted of today:

*Pick up downstairs
*Clean kitchen thoroughly
*Clean downstairs bathroom
*Wash the poop stain blouse Harper initiated on me
*Launder the whites
*Take Harper to the Dr.
*Ask the Dr. if I could give Harper even a little sip of whiskey to help her sleep at night. (Ha! Just kidding!)
*make my bed
*Fold those clean clothes that have been sitting in my laundry room for a week
*Clean the toothpaste spit from the girl’s bathroom sink
*clean that ol’ crusted pee on the girl’s bathroom toilet
*Eat…(well I really didn’t think I would forget this, but I want to be organized…and heaven help me if I didn’t put time in for this…)
*Call about Reese’s soccer uniform
*Oh and if all things above get done…go outside and play with Finley

Whew..I felt good about my list. I did a little math and figured if I got up at 6am, and went to bed at 11pm…this list would get done! YES! And then a little time for my closet show..(shh…don’t tell..I’m embarrassed to admit…Gossip Girl!). I felt so good about the new and organized me. These TO DO lists were A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I felt sorry I had bad mouthed them all these years…. This new list was going to point me to success in homemaking!

Then I woke up. My alarm went off at 6….and then 6:10….then 6:20. You get the idea. But I did get out of bed at 6:30 as soon as I remembered my list. I started off so gallantly. Making my bed…getting ready..getting the girls ready…getting to Harper’s Dr.’s appt. And then well…things happened. So since I was on a “list” kick, I wrote down what I actually did…

-Made my bed
-fed Harper
-went to Dr.’s appt to only find out that Harper is SPOILED and needs to stop sleeping in her carseat
-fed Harper
-Went to Target (sure that wasn’t on my list above..and neither was spending the $50 that I did…but it would have been on my list sometime in the week…I am sure of that…)
-Fed Harper
-Painted my toenails (since the weather is getting nicer…this moved to a P.R.I.O.R.I.T.Y. HORRORS if I so happened to wear flip flops these next couple of days with winter toes…NO way..not going to do it. GROSS. )
-Played Soccer with Finley outside. It was gorgeous today…I couldn’t pass it up.
-fed Harper
-daydreamed about decorating for Easter and what to have for Easter dinner (yeah…I’m working on this organizing thing…I like to wait til last minute).
-Fed Harper

Ok..so maybe that is NOT ALL I did today…and I did realize…that baby LOVES to eat. No wonder she is a chunk of munk! Or an emotional eater like her momma. Anyway…my TO DO List today turned into a TO DO list tomorrow. Or wait….

Maybe I shouldn’t be measuring my success in “homemaking” or motherhood by what I DO that day…but the interactions I build that day. Sure List making for some people is the best thing they could do. It’s a great tool…and I need to utilize it more. But I resign the fact that I won’t be or never will be one of these super organized individuals or these super moms who have it all together. List making to me is still a little too confining. Since I didn’t get all my “TO DO’s” done, I felt like a failure. But really…was I?

I was able to have a picnic with the sweetest 3 year old in town. I was able to cuddle and kiss my way too big 6 month old. I was able to kick the soccer ball with my little ball of energy. There still is poop on my favorite blouse. Those clothes still need to be folded. I still DON”T feel organized.

But was today a success? The bed was made. Was today a success? I was able to enjoy God’s beauty, who He is. Was today a success? By the way of those sweet kisses Finley just gave me a….I would say…YES…it was a success.

Sunday Dinners...EXPOSED....

Recently my family and I moved back to where I grew up. One of the best things about being closer to family is a new tradition we have started--Sunday dinners after church. A time where cousins can interact and grandparents can catch up with the kiddos. But if you are anything like my family, going out to eat is quite a chore. In my case awhile back, I think I vowed to never go out again. Here is what happened:

We had decided to go out to Olive Garden. One of my favorite restaurants...BUT if anyone knows Olive Garden, they know it is always CRAZY BUSY! Anybody with children understands what a gamble and risk you are taking when you bring any child, let alone a then 22 month old in a nice restaurant. That day was no exception as we entered the doors greeted by the savory smells of garlic, basil, breadsticks, and….fat. My heart started racing as Finley begs to be put down so she can tap her black “tappy” shoes on the red brick floor. As we get seated, Finley races around the table nearly running into waiters and waitresses balancing their tray full of steaming food. As they recover their balance, the waitresses give us looks as if to say, “Why can’t you keep that child under control.” I get caught up in the “ring around the rosy” game as I am chasing Finley around the table trying to get her in her high chair. Dizzy and out of breath, I finally grab a hold of her black shirt and start to put her in the high chair. Kicking and screaming, Finley let the tables around us know that she would have nothing to do with the humane adage of sitting peacefully for a nice, quiet lunch. Disgusted patrons turned their heads our way and then murmured their disgraces under their breath sarcastically how this was going to be a GREAT lunch!

Our waitress, a young brunette, who appeared to be in her twenties looked quite perturbed and stressed as she reached our table. Her look said it all. “Oh great…screaming kids=mess and no good tip.” Don’t you love stereotypes? She hurried us through lunch trying to get us out as quick as possible. In the meantime, Finley, threw just about everything she could get her paws on off the table. She started flinging her crayons towards the table next to us nearly pelting an older lady in the eye. After she had played too much Frisbee with the drink holders and almost decapitated that same lady that about lost her eye, I decided Finley needed a change of scenery and I needed to empty my bladder.

Tap, tap tap, tap, went Finley’s shoes. “Hi….hello….potty…” went Finley’s mouth at about every table we passed. She had to let everyone know where her “tappy” shoes were headed. Once we got to the bathroom, we had to wait in line. Gone were the savory smells of basil and garlic. Enter even stronger smells---sewage. Standing behind two larger “behinds” which jiggled to the dance of “I have to go RIGHT now”, I lost my appetite. When Finley and I finally got into the tiny stall, I let out a sigh of bladder relief. Finley squealed with delight because we were in a room with 2 of her favorite things…no wait 3 of her favorite things. A toilet, toilet paper, and a shiny door handle. As I started lining the toilet seat with toilet paper, something that I am OCD about, my sigh of relief turned into a gasp of horror. There is hardly any toilet paper left! I had just waited in line with a 22 month old, a full bladder, and an urgent need to go...really bad if you know what I mean. I carefully plop my bottom down on the 3 squares of carefully thought out toilet paper on the throne. As I am doing my very private “duty” Finley starts grabbing pieces of the precious toilet paper and pretends to wipe her diaper lined bottom and then proceeds to come close to the toilet, looking in to see what I was doing, and throws the paper in. “NO!” I scream out as if Finley is throwing pieces of gold down the toilet. Then Finley notices the shiny silver handle and I underestimated the fine motor skills of a 22 month old. As I was counting how many sheets of toilet paper I had left, Finley opened the door for the whole line of people to see me on my throne in all my glory. Sure, I was glowing like any princess does….just it was my face radiating red bouncing off the white toilet. I quickly shut the door and scold Finley. “Just stay still for once will you Fin?” By then, Finley ran to the roll of toilet paper and knocked it off the holder. I watched as my precious “gold” fell to the ground and like in slow motion, unrolled its way under two stalls. Finley sticks her head under the stall and gazes up at the woman who I only know as tan shoes, blue jeans lady and says, “oopsie!” Embarrassed again, I stick my hand under the stall as I brush the tan shoes, blue jeans lady’s leg. “Sorry,” I say as I grab my saving grace….the 5 squares I have left. Finley, still gazing under the stall, repeats me, “So sorwey….”
“Finley, stand up!” I shout while clutching my prized, hard-earned toilet paper in my hand. Finley bolts up and starts opening up the door again. I sigh, frustrated. I surrender. I am defeated. A 22 month old beat me in the game of privacy doin' the duty. I quickly use the rest of my toilet paper, get dressed and drag her out of the bathroom. I have surrendered that I can no longer use public restrooms with my 22 month old without being publically humiliated. As we leave the doors of Olive Garden, Steve turns to me as says, “Hey that wasn’t so bad! Where do you want to go tonight to eat?”

SIGH

I guess Sunday dinners will be at our house from now on.....

The Modern Day Proverbs 31 Woman

Once upon a time, in a land far FAAARRR away lived a woman. Her closet was filled with size 2 clothes. Her home echoed the sound of 4 children. Every morning she awoke at 5 am to pray for a half an hour, and then step on her treadmill while reading her Bible. She was working on memorizing the book of Philippians and was ¾ of the way done. At 7 am her children awoke, and she greeted them with kisses and big smiles on her face. She had so much energy and excitement for what the day held. As she made her four children eggs and pancakes every morning, they quietly got dressed, brushed their teeth, and made their beds. Breakfast time was the children’s time at memorizing scripture. Morning was devoted to memorizing the book of Proverbs. Kisses and smiles and they were out the door on the bus to school.
While the children were in school, the women devoted an hour to cut out soup labels for the pta for her children’s’ school. (Did I mention she was the president of it?) Then she devoted an hour every day to volunteer in one of her child’s classrooms. For the rest of the time her children were in school she devoted her time to her ETSY online shop where she tailored the cutest children’s clothing. With the earnings she made from her shop from the last year she guaranteed a full year of college for her first born.

Dinner was served promptly at 5:30pm as soon as her husband walked through the door. All food groups were presented on the plate, and her children devoured her meals while her husband raved every night, “Wow..this is the best meal you’ve made yet!” Bath time, bed time, and Bible stories breezed through the remainder of the evening as she quietly tucked her 4 little munchkins under their warm covers as she couldn’t wait to tend and focus on her husband for the rest of the night. AHHH..such as a day in the life of the woman. A woman who never complains…..and each night they live happily ever after.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! When I read Proverbs 31 is it wrong to say that I want to just laugh? “There is NO WAY I can obtain that”, I think. Here is the day in the life of ME---
After being up numerous times in the night with a spoiled 6 month old, I groggily hit the snooze button on the alarm for the 10th time. I fall out of my bed with a TOO BIG OF THUD (thanks to child bearing butt!) when I notice that thanks to my snooze a rooze I now have 30 minutes to get my kiddos ready and out the door for the day. Oh wait—I DON”T have to wake my kids up as they come up when the sun comes up….E.V.E.R.Y. M.O.R.N.I.N.G. Yes, you would have thought that I birthed roosters. But alas…the difference in the mornings are no crowing is heard when the sun comes up, only the toots of my 5 year old pooping on the toilet (EVERY MORNING!) and the screams of my 3 year old yelling at her sister.

“Kids! Hurry and get dressed and come down for breakfast! I laid your clothes last night on your floor.” I yell as I try to brush my teeth to get rid of the Grinch stench that erupts from my mouth each morning.

“NOOOOOOOO!!! I DON”T want to get dressed. I want breakfast. I’m NOT GOING to school today!” Reese yells. Finley is not far behind, “I DON”T WANNA…” And so it starts. I take one quick look at myself and am almost startled myself with the big purple bags and the funky, greasy hair. Oh well. No time today. I convince Reese to go to school, do her hair (only to have her cry about the way it looks after I’m done), and move to Finley. I have to physically stop the fit throwing by holding her tightly and maneuvering the clothes around her body. It’s like the workout I never had in the morning.

While both girls are crying (Reese is still upset that God gave her a colic in her hair), I hear a peep from my third precious bundle that kept me up all hours of the night. Change diapers, change clothes. And while she is attached to the ol’boob, I race around to get Reese’s lunch packed. (That is a learned skill….don’t try it at home, kids). By the time I get all three loaded in the car I forget they haven’t had breakfast. I run back inside and grab 3 pop-tarts (hey I have to eat too!) and throw them to the backseat for them to inhale down on the way to school. Drop Reese off and head to Harper’s Dr. appointment. Wrangling the typically “MOM VAN” in the parking spot I look down and notice I am still wearing my polka dot pajama bottoms.

Sigh

I’ve felt like I’ve run a marathon and it’s not even 9am.

Well that is how a lot of my days go. And I’m lucky if dinner is more than spaghetti or a hamburger. And then…I envision the biblical Proverbs 31 woman having all this energy for her husband in the evening. HA! Poor Steve…in the evening I’m spent. I want to be with him, to spend time with him, but I’m tired. Shhh…don’t tell him…but some nights I’ll even dress in the closet so….well…you know….I don’t want to tempt! Ha! Is this what motherhood should look like? A marathon of pure pandemonium? Then I feel guilty for not being this Proverbs 31 woman---I’m perfectionistic like that.

I get depressed with the mundane of my marathon. I sometimes get to the point where I don’t even enjoy it. Even some hours where I don’t enjoy my children because I put so much pressure on myself (I even hate to admit it!). But then I studied those verses a little more in Proverbs. That virtuous woman didn’t necessarily have it all together, like I don’t have it all together. But she did do something that showed in every other aspect of her life-she enjoyed her job as a mother and let it fulfill her. She was allowed to be BLESSED by her children and her husband. I had been looking at it wrong. I thought I was to do the blessing to my children and husband. If I look at my children to bless me, my outlook on my day is totally different. Sure, it’s not going to change the crying and fit throwing of a three year old. But it just might change my attitude on those mornings I don’t feel I have any more energy to give.

So this blog is being started as a way for me to find that God given joy in all aspects of my Motherhood. To allow my children to BLESS me. And even though I know many will not read this, I want to capture my every day journey for me to share it with my girls some day.
So here we go….Let’s go on this journey beyond the Puke, Poop, and Pandemonium!