A BIG FAT F....

Yes...that's right.  A big fat F.  That's what I give myself.  Since I am now teaching, I am into giving out grades to myself and I give myself an F.  An F for FAIL.  Yes, I have been so ignoring and FAILING my blog considerably.  But it's not just my blog.  It's a lot of things.

Let me back up a bit.  Last time I had "blogged" I had mentioned that their was a lot of life events that were changing for my household.  The biggest thing was that I was going back to work.  Well, just two days a week to start so at least not full time. And then come January, I was to start teaching at a local community college here in the town I live in.  I knew I would be busy, sure I knew...  But I didn't want to stop doing the things I love as well such as photography, and baking cakes.  So since October, here is what I have been up to in list form (I am also into organzing my life now..! HA!):

1.  Working 2 days a week counseling kids in school and preparing for each session with them
2.  Preparing for teaching college lectures
3.  Learning my material for these lectures so I can at least sound half way like I know what I am talking about.
4.  Helping to write our church's Christmas production
5.  Rehearsing and starring (ha!!  ok..not really..but a small part) in my Church's Christmas production
6.  Baking cakes for different cake orders that came in (artistic outlet for me!)
7.  Starting a photography business...(What??!!  I know...more to come on that later)
8.  Getting my family ready to leave for 2 weeks over Christmas to PA.
9.  Trying to do this all while my husband travels every week..
10.  And oh yeah....nurturing and pouring into the lives of three precious gifts God has given me..

Ok...I admit.  I had my hand in WAY too much stuff.  But all these things are good things.  All these things I thought God brought to me and I couldn't pass up.  Again, subconsciously, I was thinking I could be SuperMom...at least for awhile.  But come the beginning to December, I starting to Fail.  I started to fail at each of every one of those lists.  I was not being a good employee.  How could I?  I couldn't devote the time I needed to for my clients.  I was not being a good Mommy.  I was so stressed that I unfortuntely, put these precious little pumpkins at the bottom of my list. I was not being a good wife.  Poor Steve--he didn't even make my list.  This man of my dreams should be #1 on this list.  I was so tired with everything going on that I was failing.  Failing miserably.  And my attitude about it all...well let's just say that was ummhmmm...failing as well (and that is putting it kindly).  Something had to go.  I couldn't keep it up.

So I made the tough decision and decided that yes..after only doing it for a few months, I needed to quit my counseling job 2 days a week.  I am not a quitter..so for me to resign after just starting killed me.  It killed me to say that "I failed at this".  It killed me to say that I couldn't be supermom.  A lot of  mom's work...why couldn't I keep up with it?  But monetarily wise, this posistion was not making a lot of sense.  Daycare wise it wasn't working out either.  So Steve and I talked and prayed and knew that this was the one area that was causing me so much stress that needed to go.

I knew I needed to concentrate on my Mommyhood.  And not get so caught up in helping to "bring in the cash" or contributing to the world.  My girls are the ministry God has brought to me at this time in my life and I need to take full advantage of it now.  It always won't be that way.  I need to thank God for this blessing.  God will take care of other things in my life that I worry about.  I need to focus on taking care of my family.  This is something I need to constantly remind myself as I get so caught up in the world's view of working mom's.

I am still an adjunct professor at the community college.  But actually, I am loving it.  I am only teaching one class...and am gone two mornings a week, but it is just perfect for me.  I still get to put my years of education to the test for 3 hours each week, and then I get to be a Mommy the rest of the time.  To be honest, the lecture preparing has been grueling, but I am hoping that next time I teach this class it will be a piece of cake!  :)  I am so thankful to God for the opportunity to have something like this that is so part time.  I am so thankful to have the opportunity to invest in student's lives the way my professors did.  To hopefully help them appreciate the complex and amazing way that God designed us relationally for His glorious purposes.  (Although I obviously can't tell them that in those words! ).

And yes..I am in the process of starting a little photography business.  But this is a slow, long process.  Photography has become an absolute LOVE of mine.  I am excited to develop it more and if I can make a little money in the process then...hey..it makes it even more fun, right?  :)  I am hoping to post more info about this in the future. 

Well failing...it's not something I do quite gracefully.  It's quite humbling.  Thankfully I have a God who helps me get back on my feet and gives me 2nd (or 3rd and 4th) chances.  So...blogging..while I am not committing to anything right now in the midst of psychology lecture preparing, I am committed to do better then once every 4 months.  I mean, this is for my girls, right?  I fail at the whole scrapbook thing so I at least better make this work so they have a little bit of memories in their young days!  :)    So here's to improving my grade....!!