Shiloh [meaning God's Gift]

Today I come writing...after again a long while to share a journey our family has been on.  A journey I never thought I would partake.  I road I never thought I would I would have to follow.  But alas, I am reminded that I am not in control of my life.  He who is the sustainer of Life is in control of my life.  So I write today so I can remember all that God is teaching me on this journey.  I write so I can never forget......never forget my Shiloh....

On Febuary 19th, we received news that I definitely wasn't expected.  I had finished nursing Harper just a couple months before, had gotten my period once and just never thought much about it.  Steve kept asking me, "Are you sure you are not pregnant?"  And I reassured him, "Steve, there is NO WAY I am pregnant."  My hormones were just wacky trying to get back on track after nursing and we definitely WERE NOT trying to get pregnant.  But on that Saturday, I told Steve to go get a pregnancy test so I could prove him wrong..and me right.  20 minutes later, he came back with a test and I went to take it.  I have taken oh, around, a million pregnancy tests, and I was positive in what I would see.  Just two lines.  No plus signs or anything.

Well...4 pregnancy tests later, we knew God had blessed us with a very UNEXPECTED blessing.  Our 4th baby.  I was in shock.  I was in disbelief.  I was completely overwhelmed.  I was totally freaking out to put it nicely.  Harper would barely be two and I felt like I still hadn't adjusted to having 3 children.  I always liked the idea of having 4 children, but Steve was very content with the 3 little blessings we had.  After Steve got over his shock, he reassured me that everything was going to be fine.

Of course, I had to tell my parents right away....when unexpected things hit me, I need to talk about it.  Get encouraged about it.  My parents were ESTATIC.  They could not wait to meet their 13th grandchild!!  My dad sent me this text message the day after I found out that meant the world to me:

"My precious daughter,
While I know this is a big surprise, the truth is that the greatest gifts in life often come that way...
God who knows all things has told us who are his to be fruitful and multiply...to raise up our children
to love and worship Him...you have been CHOSEN by God for His highest calling...to be the guardian of his precious children...
How cool is this!  Grandpa could not be happier and your multiplying blessings are just ahead.  God always sends the grace to meet the challenges of HIS LEADING.  LOVE YOU SWEETHEART"

That was it.  That is what it took me to become UBER excited to meet my 4th child.  4 would be a great number for our family.  And so you know a woman...once we get excited about something....we start planning.  And planning I started.  Who was going to share rooms with who?  How were we going to tell the girls?  How were we going to tell Steve's parents?  I was getting very excited. 

But I kept telling Steve, it's weird.  I just don't feel pregnant.  I was hoping to get by with this pregnancy with NO morning sickness...just like I had with Reese.  Such a wonderful pregnancy.  There was something in the back of my mind though that before I told ANYONE...especially the girls, that I wanted to make sure everything was ok with my precious child.

According to the date from my last period, when I found out I was around 8 weeks.  So that next week, on March 1st, I had my first doctor's appointment.  I was so grateful that Steve was in town so he could come with me.  And on that day I got to see the very first pictures of my precious baby.  I got to see the heart flutter and the little "bean" moving around.  According to the ultrasound, I was just around 5 weeks.  The baby was even too small to measure.  I have never been regular with my periods and the same thing happened when I was pregnant with Harper.  I just ovulated late with my hormones being out of whack.  The baby was even too small to give me a due date, but the Dr. said, "Come back in two weeks and I can give you an exact due date.  But right now, I am thinking it will be around 11/1/11/"  I thought, "What a fun and perfect due date!" And the Dr. reassured me that I probably didn't "feel" pregnant yet because I was just so early.  "That's yet to come" he told me.  I asked the Dr., "You know I have had 3 great pregnancies...what are the risks that I would miscarry?"  The Dr. reassured me, "Well, the national average is about 1 in 3 pregnancies, but since you have had 3 normal pregnancies, your chances are miscarrying are probably slim."

Seeing that heartbeat was all it took to get Steve excited too.  What color hair would this baby have?  Would the baby have blue eyes like our other girls?  And of course, would this baby be a boy??  Questions swirled in our minds.  Our anticipation and excitment was growing by the moment.  I could not WAIT to tell the girls.  I know Reese especially would be over the moon with this news.

So since everything looked great with our 4th baby, we wanted to go out and celebrate.  The girls got to pick where to go and my parents were coming up to meet us and celebrate with us.  The girls of course picked Pizza Ranch (which is their 2nd choice..but I nixed McDonalds).  And there I revealed the big news:

Me:  Reese and Finley, are you guys going to be ok if you have to share rooms again?

Reese:  Yes!  We would love it...why?

Me:  Because we are going to have someone else come live with us.  Someone who needs to use Harper's crib.

Reese:  (still not getting it)  Who is it Mommy?

Me (after trying a few more ways to get her to get it):  Mommy's having a baby!! 

Reese and Finley started jumping up and down and it was hard to settle them down.

Me:  Shhh..girls...this is our secret.  Mommy's baby is still very very tiny and before we tell anyone about the baby we need to make sure it grows a little.  So please keep this a secret.

Surprisingly, the girls did very good with the secret but talked about it nonstop when we got home and for a few days to come.  They were so excited.

Little did we know the road we were heading down in a few days....

And there will be more to this story to come as my heart can only handle so much at this time...