I survived...

I recently turned 31.  Wow..that sounds old.  I have been dreading every birthday since turning 26...I wanted to stay 25 forever.  And when I turned 30....well let's just say I dreaded that.  My husband even through me a "grieving" party with a coffin cake to go with it.  So it really did surprise me how when I turned 31...I was actually happy.  I was really happy to see 30 go away.  You see...30 was a year of major obstacles...character builders my dad would like to say.  I would like to say that 30 sucked!  But I will try to stay positive here...it was definitely a character building year.  Now I know my life is completely blessed.  Compared to many, I know these hardships are minimal....but to me, personally, I have been beat up.  So I would like to write I list of everything I have so far "survived" and am still "surviving" and celebrating moving past 30.  Now I am not writing this list for a pity party.  I am writing this so I can remember how God has sustained me this year.  How I became stronger.  And how I survived it.


I SURVIVED IN THE YEAR I TURNED 30...


- Being scared of losing my mom to a heart attack.  Thank the Lord she survived the heart attack and  is well today and encourages me daily.


- a big move to a new state...leaving old friends, making new ones. (This is not as easy as it sounds).


- Surviving sleep deprivation from a little baby who never slept her first year of life.  The bags under my eyes are here to stay I believe.


- Starting 2 new jobs--leaving the comfort of staying at home full time.  With that 2 big interviews which I hadn't interviewed for a job for like 8 years!  Leaving my girls with baby sitters--trying to transition them to "listening" to someone else.


- Having to Quit one of those jobs--figuring out every thing has a season and that particular job was a season that I was not quite in yet.


- Having to get used to my husband's new job--one in which makes me a "single mom" a lot of the time.


- Some pretty big financial scares.....and realities.....


- The dentist.  Anyone who knows me knows I HATE going to the dentist.  I had to get a crown put on this year.  I HATE being drilled into...especially since they have a hard time getting me numb.


- Disappointments of not being able to a some fun vacations that were planned per above...and letting others down because of it.


- Losing a child....


- Having some major obstacles in our marriage


-having a family member struggling with addiction


-having a family member out of a job


-having to live in fear of a family member taking their life


-having a cancer scare...


-having a "surgery" to get rid of the cancer scare...


-having complications to the above surgery


-having some medical issues I would have never dreamed I could have had




Now...I know I am still dealing with some of these.  I am still grieving.  And I have to say...I have not been "journeying" to joy as my blog is intended to show.  I, honestly, have been horrible in being joyful.  I have been self-consumed through all this...on me.  Not on God.  Having faith...when your faith is REALLY being tested is hard.  And I can't say I have been doing a good job of it.  But God has been teaching me....even when I don't show a lot of faith and it comes out as me worrying and being anxious, God is still FAITHFUL to me.  And moment by moment I am reminded how I need to focus on HIS truth.  For a lot of this "stuff", I have been praying for God to take it away.  For Him to clear up my problem.  It wasn't going away.  And my anxiety about things got worse.  Yes I started questioning God..."Why is this hitting me all at once?  Don't you know I can't take any more?"  I have been drowning...physically and emotionally I haven't been able to stay on top if it.  And then after searching God more, I realized I have been praying wrong.  I need to pray for God to hold me as we ride through this wall.  I can't do it alone...I need Him to hold me.  


Then, just today, God showed this to me...and used my 4 year old little girl to minister to me.  It was thunder storming and Finley runs into my room scared to pieces.  "Mommy!  I'm scared" she cried.  I said, "Finley, it's just a storm.  Nothing to be scared about."  A few seconds went by and I looked at Finley who was really thinking hard.  She said, "Mommy, does Jesus protect me from the thunderstorm."  I replied, "Yes, baby...Jesus protects you from everything!"  Then another thunder hits. Finley says, "Mommy...I can feel Jesus's arms around me right now protecting me."


What a picture God has given me.  He didn't take away the thunderstorm, but to my scared little 4 year..He wrapped His arms around her as they "drove" through the storm.  God...please wrap your arms around me as we "drive" through this stormy season in my life.




I just read somewhere the saying of how Spring is so much sweeter when winter has been so long.  Literally, here in Iowa that is SOOO true, but also figuratively....the blessings God has given me in my 3 beautiful girls and my soulmate of a husband...I am truly truly blessed.  I look at the faces of these loved ones...and wow...I am blessed.  How I hope to never forget how sweet the "spring" of my life really is....